Monday, May 5, 2014

The Human Centipede II [Full Sequence] (Tom Six, 2011) Review

This is the least disturbing picture I could find...I tried, really.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. There are many things wrong with this review. 1) It's not Halloween, why am I reviewing 'creepy' films? 2) Why this horrific nightmarish film of all films? 3) Why review it when you haven't seen or reviewed the first film? I'll tell you why. I decided to watch this film on Netflix on a boring night in while staying with relatives and I was opened to the world of the controversial reception of this film. I wanted a bearing the response so the only way to do so is to dive right in. As to why now? I just had to address it ASAP.

Disturbed loner Martin (Laurence R. Harvey) works at a parking lot and spends his time on duty watching The Human Centipede (yeah, apparently it's non-canon...good job, guys). He is aroused by the flick and decides to copy it. He kidnaps 12 random people in the parking lot and joins them up "ass to mouth" in an attempt to reconstruct the eponymous 'Human Centipede' from his favourite film.

This is filth. I feel dirty calling this a film. It is not worthy of the title. Acting, cinematography, plot, script and atmosphere are the most important aspects to a film and it doesn't have any of this. The acting is abysmal with actors who have little to no credible experience. The script is non existence in its failed attempt at being 'artsy'. The plot is a poor excuse of a rehash of an already terrible idea. You'd think that the black and white eeriness would make for great atmosphere, right? Nope. There is no depth to the world and therefore no incentive to care, leaving the audience disengaged.

Okay, so why is this film so infamous? Because it's horrific, gory and disturbing...supposedly. That's right, the main element that they squeezed to sucker people into cinema seats isn't even its saving grace. I had to look away once, sure, but good gory films like the Saw films had me doing the same at least 3 times. Why it doesn't work here is because it isn't warranted. There is no purpose to it here. It's not like it's trying to be scientifically accurate (the poster even boasts "100% Medically Inaccurate") so what's the point? On my part, it is a tad unfair since I'm in the UK where the film was apparently censored but any excuse to trim this crap is fine by me.

The Human Centipede II [Full Sequence] is junk. Pure filth. Allow me to quote the late great film critic Roger Ebert..albeit for a different movie (that's next, by the way)  "I hated this movie. Hated, hated, hated, hated hated this movie. Hated it! Hated every stupid, vacant, audience insulting moment of it!". This is an abomination of cinema. It tries to be artsy and fails. It tries to be edgey and fails. All the essential film elements fall apart and leave behind one of the worst 'films' I have ever seen in my life...although Son of the Mask might JUST be a little bit worse...

This filth is below scum at the bottom of the barrel. A horrific mess of a cinematic abomination.

Here's a tip for you. Since they're making a third one, do yourself a favour and don't watch it. Let it fail so this smut can stop.

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