Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Super Mario Bros. (Annabel Jankel, Rocky Morton and Dean Semler, 1993) Review

No. Oh No. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! If there ever was a prize for the worst adaptation of all time (and I'm sure there is)...this would be a candidate. Maybe even the winner of that prize. If you've seen this then you should know what i'm talking about. If you haven't seen this...then you are a very lucky person. Just thinking about this film makes me want to stomp on someone like a goomba...something that DOESN'T happen in this film...let's just get this over with.

In Brooklyn, New York (at least they got something right), Mario (Bob Hoskins) and his brother Luigi (John Leguizamo) are two plumbers running their own business. Things are normal until Luigi meets Daisy (Samantha Mathis), an orphan who is Luigi's age and his trying to find dinosaur bones under the city. They hit it off but things take a turn for the worst when Daisy is kidnapped by Iggy (Fisher Stevens) and Spike (Richard Edson), henchmen of the evil King Koopa (Dennis Hopper) and is taken to another world where dinosaurs continue to exist. Now Mario and Luigi have to venture to the city and rescue Daisy from the villainous Koopa.

You may have noticed something wrong in my summary. I mentioned Daisy rather than Peach (or I guess Princess Toadstool by this point). If you're going to make a Mario film how about getting the characters right, huh? To it's credit, they did match Luigi with Daisy so they did get something else right but I would have expected Peach instead. Another thing is King Koopa (who should really be called Bowser since it's an American film) is human. I would have imagine that there would be some CGI used if he was the PROPER Bowser. There is also NO Mushroom Kingdom as far as I know. While this explains Peach's absence, that doesn't explain Toad's (Mojo Nixon) appearance...at least Yoshi's appearance is justifiable. Don't even get me started on Mario and Luigi's surname (I guess the name does offer a clue...it's still stupid).

So you may have guessed that this film has little to nothing to do with the games. If it weren't for th efact it was called Super Mario Bros. it wouldn't have been a terrible film. The CGI isn't bad, the actions decent and the characters aren't terrible...it's just the fact they ruin the source material. If it weren't for that then this film wouldn't have been as bad as it was...it would still be bad...just not as bad.

Super Mario Bros. shouldn't exist. It just shouldn't! It takes the fantastic ssn't use it...very well.  years later) and doesn't use it...very well. If someone were to do it again, please follow it closly. "How can Mario have a film based on simplistic narrative?" I hear you ask...either Mario Galaxy or one of the RPGs. They would make great films if they were made by Nintendo with a similar graphic style (obviously much better looking). Ignore this film an pray for a more accurate adaptation.

Takes the source material and destroys it. Only gets points for some decent moments... especially it you haven't heard of Mario


  1. I've always wanted to watch this film just so I can facepalm through the whole thing.

    1. You might not have a face after that amount of facepalming X_X