Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Diamonds Are Forever (Guy Hamilton, 1971) Review

Oh dear...oh dear oh dear. Is this is a popular film? So...this this another controversial Bond review? Fine. *DING* Controversial Bond review number 2! You'd think that, considering this is one of the most recognisable themes of all time, that this would be a good one. I thought it would be too. After all, Sean Connery is back! Isn't that awesome? ......let's take a look, shall we?

After what happened at the end of On Her Majesty's Secret Service, James Bond (Sean Connery) wants revenge on Blofeld (Charles Gray) once and for all (trust me, after what Blofeld did, I would be pissed)! Blofeld has fled to Las Vegas where Bond tries to track him down. He is apprehended by Blofeld's henchmen Mr Wint and Mr Kidd (Bruce Glover and Putter Smith) and finds his next Bond girl (it's a theme), Tiffany Case (Jill St. John). Blofeld has undergone plastic surgery in order to escape from a vengeful Bond.

They shouldn't have brought back Sean Connery. George Lazenby had taken over the role so why bring Connery back? He looks bored as heck in this film and I can't really blame him. Connery isn't the worst thing here though as Blofeld is just as bad. Charles Gray is not Blofeld and I will NEVER accept him as such. Donald Pleasence was the definitive Blofeld. It's not that Charles Gray is a bad actor, it's just that he doesn't fit the role. He wears drag at one point for God's sake...HE WEARS DRAG!!! His henchmen are also pretty terrible and some of the worst ones yet. 'Nuff said.

It doesn't stop there. Tiffany is probably the worst Bond girl...ever. She is just terrible. She's useless, stupid and not a good fighter at all. Bond girls should be cunning...she is not. There are some VERY stupid moments in this film. Why the hell is Bond driving a space rover around a desert? Why is Bond throwing Blofeld's submarine around (with him in it) like a ragdoll (with a crane)? It just comes off as stupid. Sure, the upcoming films would be stupid but this came right after one of the most serious Bond films and ends up being...off

Diamond Are Forever is hands down the worst Bond film. The actors are off, the chracters are stupid and everything else is stupid. It's just a stupid, stupid movie! If you want a good Bond film, go watch On Her Majesty's Secret Service. Connery, you shouldn't have come back. You soured your Bond career. You Only Live Twice was a great way to finish! Aw well, this is this last one so I guess it's over then...

This is the worst Bond film. Everything is stupid and just doesn't seem right.

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